this time i mean it, it's a forreal thing.

i know excuses, excuses. But this time i really mean it. i am giving up, throwing in the towel. truely putting an end to it all. if he wants this, by all means chase it. i need to stop putting him as my first to everything. it's like a bad addicition. when i'm sad or lonely he's the first one i go running too. it's like people that overeat when they are bored, or neverless, it's pathetic. a really good and loved friend once said to me, never make somebody a priority, when they only put you as their option. it really is that unhealthy. along with my eating patterns and the fact that i havent been working out, so no more excuses around the table. i need to get my shit straight. im starting my diet, and im starting the excercizing. and most importantly, i'm quitting the boy, from now only no running, and no back tracking. if you want it come and get it, cause chances are if you don't come to me, i wasn't heading your way.

why lie when you could have just sent me on my way.

why do people say things, only for the hurt to really hit in the end? why do that act a certain way only to throw there real actions in your face later on. why cant you let me move the fuck on, its like you know that exact moment where you should step in before i walk away for good. you give one good hour and three bad days. you take away my strength even though i've been doing very good. even when you shouldn't you always have the upper hand. why? i want the upper hand, i've had it twice, and uhhh i love it. but i can tell i'm not going to get that power back for a long ass time. i got to earn it, and work for it, instead of being the flimsy little fuck that i am and give in. i'm doing that today if you wanted to know, throwing in the towel and apologizing and when i shouldn't. i am being the bitchhh. given in and saying im sorry. i am that pathetic, i understand. but for something people aren't going to believe me on is this is the last time, its march for fuck sake, like its march. i know you are probably thinking whyy march, well march is when i promised to make changes, and im going through it. and no one stops me when im set on something. no more false hopes, words, or feelings. i need to take care of myself in times like these, and i have really been slacking.