why?

why do we as humans put ourselfs through the things that we do. why do we try to please people we will never be able to please. why do we keep giving, even when we don't have the means to keep handing out. why do we keep trying to make ourselves the perfect person, when in reality we will never be good enough. why do we make ourselves miserable, just for the chance to make someone else a little bit happier. i know me, the classic people pleaser. never can i say no, which tends to mean that everyone else lives the high life as i get screwed. thoughts like these make me a non-believer. if there really is a god out there, he wouldn't want to put us through this kind of shit. he wouldn't want us to be set up for failer, and he wouldn't want us to be in shitty situations where one person gets all the luck and the other falls on there ass. and i would be that person that would fall on there ass. see i need to always get my way, there really is no compromise in my life. so if it comes to me only getting my way kinda, i'll say fuck you real quick and take nothing. for a perfect example i am incredibaly in love with my best friend. everything about him. to his perfect green eyes, the way he smells, his strong face, defined nose, perfect hands, vainy (strong looking) arms, wonderful smile. the way that he has to be right at all times or he'll have a fit. how he always fights for what he believes in, or how he could kick anyones ass, or how he really doesn't give a fuck and he does what he thinks is right. how he is so comforting to be around, always making everyone laugh, and i love how comfortable he makes me feel, that i could literally hold onto him for days. i can't have him, and so most would try to move on, but i make myself miserable and fight for something i will never get. i have had my friends say that we would be perfect together, and then his friends and BEST friends come to me and say the same thing. which brings me back to why. why do i do this to myself. why haven't i learned to give up. why cant i step away and never look back. i think i am a weak person. i have basically told myself that i will stick it out forever and if i get nothing, i get nothing, and if i get something then i will cherish it forever. but since i get nothing i have to think why? whywhywhy, its because i'm ugly, fat, annoying, i don't do enough for him. this is the craziest rant ever, but all i ever find myself asking is why? for three little letters it has the a rather large response. but its the times where we can't find a following that really gets us stuck. sometimes i feel like i will never get my awnser. that this will always be some kind of crazy mystery to me. sometimes i think the reason "why" is my pay back from being a bad person, so which i feel like i deserve to suffer. but "why" would one person deserve this type of crazed misery over another? i don't think its fair. some get all the luck, while others get none. me, sure my life doesn't suck, but i feel completely lost in the department of love. my birth parents never loved me, so they gave me away. my step parents didn't love me, therefore they abused me, and him, where there is no explanation at all except emptyness, which comes to "why" can't i have love, and "why" don't i deserve you, or even a chance. i don't ever get chances. maybe cause i used them all up in another department, in the love department i'm empty. writing always seemed to fill a void in me, but even when it comes down to the subjects of why? i am completely lost.